Ok so here it goes
I have never been one to honestly speak about how I am feeling so this is definitely a first. I am hoping with this new way of expression I can help myself, but also others and even maybe help people to understand.
I don’t really have a plan as of yet, I want to talk about my problems. I also want to talk about getting better, finding new ways to feel something other than the constant nothingness and speaking to people that have suffered, just how I have. I don’t want people to feel as lost as I have at times, maybe this could help. or maybe it will just make it worse, who fucking knows tbh???
I have survived, just about, with depression and severe anxiety since early teenage years. I have just about came to the realisation that I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t know whether parts of me is the depression or if it is a personality trait. Vital parts of your personality development happens during your teenage years, you experiment with things and you eventually build some sort of foundations for who you will be in the future. However I feel I lost myself between battling depression and forming myself, which parts of me is me and which is my illness controlling my thoughts?? who knows.
So yeah, first post is gonna be a short one, I have something lined up for my next one, gonna talk about how I manage to trick the majority of people into thinking i am ok and how this has basically completely fucked me over in the long run.