depression + alcohol/drug abuse

I haven’t had the energy to post for a long time, a lot went wrong and a lot i am not even going to bother going into because i would actually be here all day.

 

i am actually ok for the first time in ages, i have started to begin to realise what i need to do to get better. one of these things i need to do is stop alcohol/drugs. they fuck me up.

the other day i was round my mates house, smoking and actually having a good time, but there was a couple of times suddenly id be real sad, id panic and it was fucking horrible.

i went home fell asleep still high, had the worst and weirdest dreams for a long time and woke up sad. the entire day, sad. nothing i could do would stop it, i tried so much to at least stop the crushing feeling. it wouldnt stop.

 

today this morning, i am okay. i feel okay, i would even say i feel maybe happy?? ? happiness is supposed to be the end goal right? but i dont know, i think the end goal should be all round healthiness. i was happy the other night whilst absolutely off my face. but the next day broken because of the effect of the come down. that isnt healthy and that is something i need to stop.

 

no one realises how easy it is to become so dependent on that high when youre drunk/on something. i find myself craving it, the other day i drank two bottles of wine in a night too myself and still wasnt really feeling it. how much do i have to drink to be ok now.

 

dunno what this post is even about but just needed to say it somewhere

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